?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Glutton for Punishment
20 most recent entries

Date:2005-09-28 07:03
Subject:
Security:Public

Things are bad at home. Am thinking of looking for a better paying job with insurance so i can get the fuck out of here.

8 comments | post a comment



Date:2005-06-16 17:06
Subject:
Security:Public

I have an appt with a gyn specialist on june 24th. Im scared to death. I don't know if I'll get bad news or what. I'm just scared.

3 comments | post a comment



Date:2005-05-24 09:34
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: awake

1) Total number of films I own on DVD/video: over 300

2) The last film I bought: Meet the Fockers(yesterday)

3) The last film I watched: Pitch Black(again)

4) Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me:
Gia
The Hours
Amelie
Mona Lisa Smile
Queer as Folk Dvd box sets

5) Tag 5 people and have them put this in their journal:
mellancholie
dinyel
??

post a comment



Date:2005-03-22 10:36
Subject:Can you believe it?
Security:Public
Mood: blah

I'm actually writing an entry. I miss this diary. I'm having trouble keeping entries in all my journals unfortunately. I'm at a loss as to what to write about. It's sucks and some days I just want to delete all my journals. Mostly I have just been reading my friends entries and leaving it at that, but I wish I could have enough patience to sit and ..just...write. Any one have any suggestions?

post a comment



Date:2005-02-14 20:02
Subject:
Security:Public

I am sad.
Sad for a friend.
Sad for a dear companion of hers.
No fair.

1 comment | post a comment



Date:2005-01-19 07:47
Subject:
Security:Public

On Friday is my 2nd colposcopy. i'm scared and it's stressing me out. I'm afraid it will hurt more than last time and I'm afraid of what the drs will find out. I'm also afraid they will find nothing but they will be wrong, will have overlooked something. Yes this is a bit of panic on my part. I just can't calm down about it. On Saturday and today, I've been spotting also, which is uncommon for me. ugh.

4 comments | post a comment



Date:2004-12-21 11:20
Subject:
Security:Public

I'm scared. Scared about when hubby comes home. Will there be fighting? Will he get mad when I don't do what he wants? Some times it's like living in a prison. Other times, it's awesome! The ups and downs suck!

5 comments | post a comment



Date:2004-11-20 09:02
Subject:
Security:Public

Hubby and I got in a huge fight last nite and he ended up leaving and going to a friends for awhile. It was awful. I'm so tired of fighting like that. He came home, and his sister stopped by for her birthday present so that diffused the situation a bit. We are doing ok this morning but still working on it. I must keep it in my head that I can not change anyone but myself. I'm bound and determined to do just that.

post a comment



Date:2004-11-17 05:56
Subject:Questions
Security:Public
Mood: anxious

Why do I feel so restless inside? Why can I not wake up in the morning and have this anxiety and knot in my stomach go away? Nothing has gone wrong, my day so far is going fine. So why do I wake up this way every day? I don't know how to relax or NOT worry. I'm wondering if medication is the only thing that will make me feel any different. I'm trying to avoid it but...how long will I hold out?

post a comment



Date:2004-11-16 08:29
Subject:
Security:Public

Got the day off today. Hubby is on the road and we are getting along ok right now. I had a messed up dream last nite...messed up enough that I had to force myself awake so I wouldn't dream about it again. Not much exciting going on today.

1 comment | post a comment



Date:2004-11-14 19:23
Subject:
Security:Public

Things are ok right now. Hubby is in bed and I'm feeling calm. Today was an ok day with him...a few ups and downs but we are ok. I was told by his friend that he mentions to him when I ask hubby to buy something, etc. I need to stress that most of the things hubby buys me I NEVER ask for, or it's something I need help with. Such as, the birkenstocks he bought for me. There is no way I can afford them myself w/my income and I need them because my feet are so bad. They are the only shoes that make fallen arches feel better. Then tonight he offered to put gas in my car and buy me supper. That's what I don't get...why complain to your "buddy" about me asking for things/money. I don't understand him.

2 comments | post a comment



Date:2004-11-13 21:04
Subject:
Security:Public

Well, he hasn't been fighting like he said he would....but he is still unresponsive towards me alot of the time and doesn't really act like he cares if I'm even in the room or not. Why am I bothering with this? How did I become such a weak person??

post a comment



Date:2004-11-12 18:13
Subject:Help.
Security:Public

I can't even fucking eat he has made me so sick. I am shaking and feel sick to my stomach. My husband and I got in another fight on the phone. I hung up and then he called me back and left a voice mail. He said to be prepared to fight all damn weekend because he was going to lay it on full force. I am feeling panicked... yet I also feel apathetic. I'm losing interest in trying anymore. A friend of his told me tonight, I need to get my head straight first. Better myself. Easier said than done. I need Help.

3 comments | post a comment



Date:2004-11-11 19:45
Subject:Gratitude
Security:Public

"We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills;we shall never surrender."
-Sir Winston Churchill

My gratitude is extended to all veterans today...

post a comment



Date:2004-11-11 19:19
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: pissed off

Hubby and I have had about 3 fights today. Could there be any more? No, because he is asleep in his truck(he drives a semi). So I have peace for the rest of the night. *Sigh of relief* Although he did tell me to fuck off earlier, then called and apologized later, which hardly ever happens. Lucky me.

post a comment



Date:2004-11-09 17:13
Subject:
Security:Public

My appointment went well. We agreed that I should come in every two weeks instead of every week. It's apparent that I know what I need to do...I just sometimes don't know how or what to do. Or I just can't get myself to do anything. This will be a little cheaper for me and we'll see how it works out. If nothing else, I can go back to going every week.
We covered many different things: hubby, work, sickness, children, etc. But she's right...she didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. Oh well..

post a comment



Date:2004-11-09 10:32
Subject:
Security:Public

I have the day off today and I'm loving it! I've cleaned half the house and am watching tv and taking a break right now. Still have the upstairs to do and a therapist appt at 3pm. Should be interesting since I haven't seen her in 3 weeks.

1 comment | post a comment



Date:2004-11-07 18:58
Subject:
Security:Public

Blah. I just feel so lonely right now. Its a feeling that comes and goes. I wish I could post more often but I just have nothing to post about, or it's all negative. I just don't like posting that all the time.

6 comments | post a comment



Date:2004-11-04 21:23
Subject:
Security:Public

Well, the decision was made. Time to get on with my life now. Can't grumble on and on...oh wait, yes I can. I have that right! I can bitch for the next 4 years. heh.

1 comment | post a comment



Date:2004-11-03 06:21
Subject:
Security:Public

I'm on pins and needles waiting to see if Kerry wins. He won in my state...now its just waiting, waiting.

post a comment


browse
my journal